What day is it again?

Planning a Fourth of July BBQ really early in the year?!?

Today's (January 1st) email from some astrology service mentions Fourth of July BBQs....I am guessing that these are randomly selected by a computer and are never looked at by a real life human being before being sent out--so Happy 4th of July unless my calendar is right and it is actually January 1st--in which case, Happy New Year!

Season Greetings the super our lawyers approved of this version

I wanted to send some sort of seasonal greeting to my friends and family, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on her advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2017, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishees.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Best Regards (without prejudice)

Name withheld (Privacy Act)

Chinese Buddha takes a selfie (Prophets Visit Art Series)

Continuing my art series, Prophets Visit--in this shot, we see Chinese Buddha taking a selfie with a statue of himself....because that is what Happy Buddha would do.

Yay! It is me being sexy!

You can follow the whole series on DeviantArt.

Trump fires back at the lying loser Eloi

Meanwhile sometime in the far future, President-for-Life Donald Trump talks about the lies that the Eloi tell about him.

And the Eloi will pay for that wall around 'Murica.

You know who I like? The Morlocks. I love the Morlocks. And the Morlocks love me. I get along fabulously with the Morlocks. The Morlocks are winners. The Morlocks build machines, massive machines, the best machines, Trump-worthy machines. And the Morlocks have made sacrifices. The Morlocks have worked hard, and it has been a sacrifice for them. Unlike those losers, the Eloi. The Morlocks are eating us! Why are the Morlocks eating us? Why are we so tasty? Complete losers, the Eloi are—winners don’t get eaten. And who wrote the Eloi speech? It had to be that lying time traveler.

Duck Greasy on Deviled Islamic Eggs Kegger List (Breaking Eggs!)

Breaking eggs! Hold the garlic press!

World’s greatest lover and most interesting dish, Duck Greasy, revealed today the scorching news that he, the most excellent Duck Greasy, and his missus Lettuce Mac&Cheese, were on the Deviled Islamic Eggs kegger list.

That’s right, Deviled Eggs went to party down with Duck Greasy by buying him a Tombstone pizza and a Coors Light.

The amazing creamy source of this news is Amorous HoneyGlazed, Duck Greasy’s own right hand ham.

Duck Greasy has long been the envy of curries.

After a cooking time of two decades, Duck Greasy came out of the oven recently. During that long cooking time, Duck Greasy was basted by and basted many culinary delights, including Sugar and Spice Cream Lattes, and was judged by a jury of his pears to be the biggest crab apple of them all. 

And only two years ago, Melon Glazer, bacon freak extraordinaire, put Duck Greasy on her personal chopping list, saying that he reminded her of an overcooked purple eggplant. 

This was shortly accompanied by the falling of Greasy’s own best friend Free Samples, the pineapple upside down cake, when someone fell down the stairs—an act that required Greasy to accept Pax grocery store coupons.

Duck Greasy, the owner of Mashing 101, and the forgotten order of Apples and Oranges, has long been burnt by his saturated fire whiskey. Only today, he caught a Papaya in the bushes, a remarkable feat considering that the Papaya was in a warehouse hundreds of miles away. And only yesterday, Roast Onions insisted that his point of sales photo was actually a bowl of chunky soup filled with marbles. 

When asked why he was on the Deviled Islamic Eggs kegger list, Duck Greasy answered that it was because he boiled the Eggs during a Sunday School breakfast, and that he was proud to be a source of flatulence and the enemy of scallions. Free chickens and grilled snake meat for everyone, he screamed, as he posted recipes on Fresh Box, the social media choice of turnips.

It should also be noted that as a proud National Radish Association supporter and black bacon hater, Duck Greasy has long been on the Fresh Bear Intestines’ and National Salmon Association’s rot lists. But it should be noted that most omelets end up on the rot lists, so it is not a really a big tart to have accomplished that level of interest in the culinary world.

Remember to follow Duck Greasy on Fresh Box, for his latest setting off of the fire alarms---honey, dinner is ready! Hand me the fire extinguisher, peas. And be sure to request his Ten Recipes Guaranteed to Give Your Relatives Food Poisoning, all of which involve green eggs and ham with a fox in a box. 

This report has been the product of LSD laced pot brownies.

Custom made chalices

And now a word from my sponsor (aka my wife):


Here are some of the chalices that were made recently. There is a large variety of symbols that can be used: Templar cross, Wicca pentacle, triple moon, and horned god. There are also several scrolls that can be applied. We have a variety of glaze colors to choose from; all of them are food safe. The chalices are hand thrown, underglazed and fired, then overglazed and fired a second time. The whole process from start to finish takes seven to eight weeks.

If you are interested in ordering a custom made chalice, check out Khari's Wiccan Treasures on Etsy.

Templar cross blue chalice. 

Templar cross green chalice. 

Wiccan trimple moon pentacle green chalice. 

Here is the selection of glaze colors to choose from. 

Red and black horned god chalice.

Green triple moon chalice. 

Golden brown triple moon chalice. 

Red and black triple moon chalice. 

Blue and green pentacle chalice. 

Blue pentacle chalice. 

When occult unifiers attack

Every once in awhile, someone comes along declaring that they are working on unifying Wicca, pagans, or ceremonial magicians. They are doomed to fail. Why? We can't even agree on simple definitions, not alone important stuff. Plus there is the little fact that some people in these communities have the personalities of the Ravenous Bubblatter Beast of Traal and the poetic ability of a Vogon---typically the worst offenders are those trying to unify us. And then there is the stabbing---that stabbing feeling we get in our heads when these unifiers declare some of us not members of the community because we take the wrong drugs, believe in the wrong ideas, or simply want to stab someone for trying to become the boss of all of us. Still it is good for a couple of days of amusement, so stock up on that tasty popcorn and watch the show.