Order dissatisfaction exit survey

Sadness, you have discontinued your membership with our esteemed Order. We have noticed that you picked "shoddy service" as your reason for not renewing your membership. We apologize for the shoddy service. As the world's foremost esoteric Order dedicated to fleecing and abusing its members, we would like to hear why you were dissatisfied with your Order experience. Please chose from the following options to suggest how we could have abused you better and retained your membership in the only Order that truly cares more about what is in your wallet than the number of brain cells you have, and could give less than a rat's ass about your spiritual and magickal development.


"Was not sexed up enough by the head of the Order."


"Still have some money left in my bank account."

"Not once was a lecture, written by me, issued to me as part of my course work."


"Was not forced to convert to Christianity when I entered the super-duper secret Inner Order."

"Was allowed to continue thinking that I was not the dog's balls."

"The Order's Facebook page did not have enough ads promoting the Order."

"The Order's head was too sexy for me to handle."

"There was actual information in the lessons received."

"The head of the Order knew too much about actual science, business theory and economics, and political science, refusing to believe every wild eyed conspiracy theory presented to them."


"Was not forced to change my sex life or diet."

"The head of the Order had too good of a sense of humor."


"Was told that the Kybalion was not ancient Hermetic science."

Thank you for filling out our exit survey. We apologize for the shoddy way that we serviced abuse upon you. If you rejoin, we promise that we will abuse you to the point that you go bankrupt, get divorced, sell your first born child, and land in jail or an asylum. As a welcome back gift, we offer you double dues owed and half the course material than you were receiving before. Please remember that it takes time and energy to properly defraud our members---we are doing it as fast as we can.